I started acupuncture in an attempt to break my cycle of addiction. My first time was amazing and I stayed away from sugar and over-eating for the next four days, which is a lot for me. Then my period struck and my spouse requested a sweet. It was too much to resist. The night ended with endless brownie sundaes. I juiced for work the next day feeling nauseas and guilty. At the end of the day, I walked into the kitchen starving and finished the brownies sitting on the counter. I would have finished the gallon of ice cream too, but that had been taken care of the night before. The next day, last night, I had a crisis when I found out a pitcher I loved, cannot afford to replace that we got as a wedding gift, broke. This crisis was eventually mitigaed with a walk and carrot cake with vegan cream cheese icing. I fought fullness to the bitter end, way beyond my husband's sugar coma. I rationalized the ordeal because of my crisis, my period and my vow to quit sugar, once and for all on September 1st. 6 Months to 30. 3 months to Christmas. I will be skinny and sugar free. Sick, sick me. Why do I play these games?
Now my in laws are about to arrive in town. Any time we have visitors life turns into a party for us. It's your vacation and ours. And partying hard, to my husband and me, means eating our assess off, no holds barred. Fortunately for him, my husband can get away with it. He's rail thin, muscular, un-addicted to sugar and doesn't share my abusive mind. My dilemma is that I don't want to make a vow that I can't keep. I also don't want to be un fun. I want to say yes to Chocolate cake. But the fact is, one slice of chocolate cake is never enough and worrying about where my second slice is coming from is as miserable as not having chocolate cake at all. Almost.
I guess I'll keep trying, stock up on peaches, tea and make time for acupuncture tomorrow. I don't have to be un-fun. I can be fun with out sugar, booze, cigarettes, pot and every other crutch known to man. I CAN!
